An unusual feeling. Hands drowsy, body robotic, steps periodic, thoughts chaotic, conditions adiabatic, time harmonic, surroundings static!
A long 300 metre walk and I have endured the first 10 metres of disorder that my neurons have signalled to my body. I have given my all, yet I feel a complete disarray. I feel disarmed. Did I do it right? an infinitesimal part of my brain asks to itself. Other parts of my head are still trying to figure out how to bring my brain to at-least quasi equilibrium.
Walking through the sidewalk that I've walked at-least a century of times; snow, rain, dust, wind, spring, autumn, I have now seen it all here. Everything around me seems like ions in the reverse bias junction, lousy and stagnant. My ultrasonic Dr. Morbius senses can feel my heart pounding at a very high frequency and I reach a sharp right of the sidewalk. Before my brain could oscillate me back to the same state of anarchy, I experience an involuntary smile in my face which sends a wave of an "unknown effect" causing my system to stop following Barkhausen's criteria for the chaos.
I see a lady in Hijab, she was one-third the height of her male counterpart. They were holding hands; shy and nervous as she looked, the smile in her face was her necklace. The giraffe, was unaware of the expressions of his doe. I walked past them. That little moment of love and calm was the small unbalance required to activate the regenerative loop of my system to a make me realize that whatever happens is not in my control. What was in my control, I've already done! I had the answer to the question raised by the infinitesimal part of my brain which was " you are trying Nish...". Anarchy should exist if I was losing something, the condition was contrary.The chaos were existential but subatomic. The cortisol in my blood got diluted by dopamine. The poles in my system shifted from the right half to the imaginary and to the left half plane, experiencing an asymptotic decay.